Post Game interview

We need this guy to conduct all of our post game press conferences going forward.

Reporter: This game against Notre Dame ?
Yes, you mean the one in which we fumbled the ball ?
Reporter: Yes
Well, that is not very typical I want you to know...
Reporter: How is it untypical ?
Well, there was a lot of noise, we have a lot of freshman, and they fumbled the ball.
Reporter: Don't other teams have freshman and play in loud venues ?
There are a lot of good teams all over the country, just not this one, because they fumbled the football.
Reporter: Is this a good football team ?
Well, I was thinking about the other teams.
Reporter: The one's that are good
The one's that are not freshman and don't fumble the football.
Reporter: Well if your freshman fumble the football, why play them ?
Well some of them don't fumble to football at all.
Reporter: Did they get to play ?
Obviously not.
Reporter: What type of practice drills do these freshman that fumble the ball get to ensure they hold on to it ?
Very rigourous ball security drills.
Reporter: What type of drills ?
Don't fumble the football to start.
Reporter: What else ?
Well, we have highly technical materials they wear on their hands.
Reporter: What materials ?
Butter is out.
Reporter: And ?
No butter derivitives.
Reporter: Like oil ?
No Oil. No petroleum jelly.
Reporter: So the allegations that this is not a good football team ?
Absolutely ludicrious, these are all very good football players.
Reporter: Except...
Except, they fumbled the football.