Now that the football season is over, it is time for Terrell Pryor to start focusing on school. A quick look at the academic calendar at Ohio State tells me that the Buckeye Winter Quarter Classes started on January 5th, 2009. Of course you recall the football bucks were playing Texas in the Fiesta Bowl that night -- so Terrell missed at least 2 days worth of classes. Everyone knows that unless you stay on top of your workload, you can get buried, even at Ohio State.Fear not, we at the Spawn of MZone have been thinking about his classwork and his academic success. We have discovered that there is a class called OSF-123. We really think it is important that Terrell gets enrolled in OSF123 : The ABCs of Buckeye Football. Because we care about the academic development of Terrell, we have also been able to put together study guide for him as he works through this challenging class.
 OSF-123The ABCs of Buckeye Football A is for Archie. That little gnome won two Heisman Trophies. B is for Buckeye. You don’t want to eat this poisonous nut. C is for Cooper. He is in the Hall of Fame, but he couldn’t beat Michigan. D is for District Attorney. He is the man trying to keep you down. E is for ESPN. Kirk Herbstreit now works for them. F is for Failure. The grade you would get if you were not a football player. G is for Glenville. Ted Ginn’s football factory of future Buckeyes. H is for Horseshoe. It is smaller than the Big House and where you earn your paycheck. I is the letter we dot before the games. J is for Jerks. What the rest of the country thinks our fans are. K is for Katzenmoyer. One of our linebackers that could not read. L is for Lloyd. Coach Tressel owns him. M is for Michigan. That state we don’t give a damn about. N is for Nuetron Man. That fat man sure could dance. O is for Ohio. It is round on the ends and HI in the middle. P is for Prison. It is home for many former Buckeye football players. Q is for Quit. This is what you do with school after your eligibility runs out or you might get drafted. R is for Robbery. This is one of the charges Maurice went to prison for. S is for Schlichter. He threw the pass to Charlie Bauman before Woody punched him. T is for Troy. He won a Heisman and got paid $500 for beating Michigan. U is for USC. The Trojans are coming to Columbus this year to kick our ass. V is for Vest. Coach Tressel loves to wear one. W is for Woody. His gas was purchased in Ohio, but his car was from Michigan. X is for X-Ray. Beanie got one after his foot went SNAP. Y is for Youngstown. Coach Tressel violated NCAA rules there too. Z is for Zebra. The guys that gave us the 2002 National Championship. |
You can download the entire OSF-123 STUDY GUIDE here (PDF Format) complete with pictures and easy to read letters.
Go Bucks !!
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34 comments:
Andy,
Does TUoOS still offer that "music appreciation" class Katzenmoyer took so he could be eligible his last year?
Looking forward to the "little brother" edition.
One of your best efforts, if not your best post to date.
Yeah da Baby!
Very nice. Looks like the rats are deserting the ship. Hartline has declared for the draft as well. Didn't sweater preach "All 4 years"? I'm thinking they see Pryor as the failure not the future.
Andy - See, that's what I like about you. You care about TP passing classes whereas tuos fans just care about TP passing.
That pdf is fantastic.
Consider your school lucky that your coach cares so much about his student athletes that he's vowed to never have the team play after December 20th again. He came through on that promise this year and should be commended for that. No more missing a day or two of classes because of some silly bowl game.
He does recognize that some of his players WANT to play in a bowl, thus the 12/20 deadline - leaving them wide open to play in the Eagle Bank Bowl, the New Mexico Bowl, the Magic Jack St. Petersburg Bowl, and the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl. This would allow his players to play in a bowl, against an evenly matched opponent, and have his student athletes back in school on time, ready for Professor Hagen's Taking Notes 101 and Intermediate Day Planner classes.
Sru: Yawn. I kinda expected a better response from you. I thought you were legally obligated to mention Toledo in every one of your comments.
Yes, BAH everyone should download the PDF file. It really makes the post. I could not figure out how to get all the images on the web without losing the simple beauty of the alphabet.
very funny.
back in the day, Letterman carried a top 10 list of classes by SMU football players. it featured a number of tosu like courses, such as "sandwich making 101 (final project required)", "advanced math studies- subtraction: addition's tricky friend", and "the first 25 pages of a tale of two cities: foundation of a classic".
tosu is less fanciful. i think they pretty much stick to "golf" and "aids awareness", though i hear those can be tough (if you are old enough to remember katzenmoyer's last summer as a "student" athlete")...
wait, Michigan has an actual class called "How to be gay" and you guys rip on OSU for Aids awareness?
kettle
as far as a better response from me - i guess i could have taken the typical defensive stance and tried to refute each jab letter by letter - thought my way was better. guess i can go back to being less subtle.
lol at Z. You guys still can't get over the fact that we won a BCS national championship
oh, and before you respond...watch this whole video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMvjADmxhVw
and that doesn't even talk about the missed call in the 4th quarter that gave Miami the ball back with 2 minutes left. Otherwise we would have won 17-14.
Congrats o_g : You win the prize. After much deliberation, I put "z" in there to see if I could get some buckeye fan to take the hook.
Of course you guys won in 2002 fair and square. Look at it this way, every time someone says 1997 was a "split" or "tied" national championship the same defensive outrage happens.
his last summer "in school", Katzenmoyer was taking summer credits to remain eligible. "aids awareness" and "golf" were the two classes he was FAILING at mid term.
turns out he didn't think he needed to attend. once he started actually going to classes, he (amazingly) regained his eligibility for his jr (last) season.
and is there some sort of prize for "BCS" MNC's? do they come w/ like extra candy or free floor mats?
'cause most suckeye fans i know go around w/ hats/coats claiming 7 MNCs all time. which includes (to get to 7) the 1970 college football writers MNC, which was historically finished at the end of the regular season, before the bowls. tosu finished 1970 undefeated, but lost to USC in the Rose. AP/UPI polls voted the Trojans #1, but tosu fans still count 1970 as one of the 7 MNCs...
and they have the nerve to talk about a split in 1997??? wtf?
note the "1970" slid in between the "1968" and the "2002".
http://www.footballfanatics.com/COLLEGE_Ohio_State_Buckeyes_Hats/Twins_Enterprise_Ohio_State_Buckeyes_Scarlet_7-Time_Football_National_Champions_Adjustable_Hat
I know several tosu people who will appreciate this pdf version. I will have to read it to them but the pictures will make it much more enjoyable for them.
i don't know any buckeye fans that go around touting 7 championships - who cares? i could care less how many we have - look how many ND has, what has that done for them the last 15 years?
just caught BAH's comment about the rats deserting the ship and had to laugh. only in ann arbor can the fan of a school that has lost record numbers of players quitting the team, players transferring to other colleges, and recruits decommitting, try to make fun of their big brother because they lost players to the NFL. where were the rat comments when manningham and arrington left for the bigs?
Record number from quiting, transfering, and decommits
Were is that record kept?
Ok Andy---it is official
YOU DA MAN.
Great post!
the beginning of the semester has actually meant work for me too...ergo by sad status as lurker rather than contributor...
have no fear (or run for your lives)
I'll be back soon!
i just had this vision of brandy chastain, clad in jeans, tee, and biker jacket, walking out of the police station, stopping and saying to the desk sgt (in Arnold's voice): i'll be back
the same place they keep the 3-9 record
Let's be clear. Hartline is leaving for the NFL because he only caught 21 passes last year and his value won't improve much next year given the passing abilities of the chosen qb.
I would not go as far as calling him a rat running off the ship (cough, couch, Boren) - but he certainly is not making this decision because he loves his current situation.
if you only count titles awarded by either the BCS, AP or coaches poll.....OSU's claim of 7 title years goes from 7 down to 5. Michigan's goes from 11 down to 2.
oh snap
I say rat's deserting ship because of 3 BCS losses in a row. A total change of offense back to the Troy SMith style of offense which yes won games then but a lot of players were not happy with. And a coach who is seriously starting to pull the last threads out of his sweater. If they don't win a NC or major bowl game in the next 2 years with Pryor I think Tressell will be done once Pryor leaves. SIC can attest that the rumblings and grumblings in OH are starting to turn against their fearless leader.
At least you may have gotten a break with Mark Sanchez leaving USC and them not having a starting QB going into their week 2 game with O$U. O$U may win a close on because of the lack of QB and being at the $hoe but I'm sure Buck fans will call it a win for the ages.
though, to clarify....of Michigan's 11 claimed titles: 11 were before the BCS existed, 10 were before the coaches poll existed and 8 were before the AP existed.
of the 11 they claim, College football data warehouse recognizes 7 (CFDW recognizes 5 of OSU's claimed 7).
Michigan's claim to the 1903, 1904, 1918 and 1932 titles are just as BS as OSU's claim to the 1970 and 1961 titles.
ummm
which players were not happy with the wide open offense they ran with Troy Smith?
Troy Smith?
Teddy Ginn?
Santonio Holmes?
Anthony Gonzalez?
Antonio Pittman?
Nick Mangold?
Mike Nugent?
as far as sanchez - might as well queue up the excuses for us winning 8 months before the game huh
Andy,
How do you measure how funny a post is? Count the pissy comments the trolls throw up in frustration!
Excellent work. Very funny stuff.
Ps - Trojans by 3 tds in Columbus this fall.
I for one did not care for the Troy "catch me if you can" Smith offense.Does that count ?
Sanchez leaving will have no bearing on the 10+ point USC win will deliver this fall in the 'shoe. For god's sake, I could be a star (and date a song-girl) with those crazy good WRs and that cinder-block line.
Isn't it Neutron? Or did you use an Ohio spelling?
the guy was called Neutron man. Andy just spelled it wrong
Nice. 30 posts later someone tells me I spelled something wrong.
Just so you know, I never got passed the 2nd word at the Hollywood Elementary School Spelling Bee.
It is Neutron Man. Despite our obvious opposite side of the battle perspectives, I actually think Orlas was a pretty cool dude. He and I have a lot in common, specifically our love for our school and our love for food.
hey sic - nate williams missed the entire 1st quarter of the fiesta bowl as punishment for his crime (even though rumor has it all charges were dropped)
you can pay me later
Nate was hiding in the locker room for the first quarter. Someone read the study guide to him and he was worried about letter D.
cite?
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