Alex: I want to welcome everyone to my Super Bowl party. I know that I should be focused on working out and getting ready for the NFL Combine, but after a long and disappointing season -- blowing off a little steam is just what the doctor ordered.Attendees: It is great to be here Alex. We are looking forward to watching you in the Super Bowl in the future.
Alex: Me too. To add a little life to this party I thought it would be fun to introduce a drinking game to celebrate the fact that one of my former Buckeye teammates, Santonio Holmes is playing for the Steelers. Here are the rules: For each catch Santonio makes you need to drink a beer. For each first down he gets you need to drink a shot of whiskey. If he scores a touchdown you need to slam six shots of tequila.
Attendees: OK-- this sounds like a lot of fun. Are you sure you should be doing this ? I know that you had promised to clean up your act after your DUI and the problems you had in Ohio.
Alex: Come on guys, I am a 300 pound All-Big Ten offensive lineman. This is California, not boring old Ohio. I can handle a couple of drinks at a Super Bowl Party. Plus that bitchy Tressel isn’t here to ruin my fun any more. I am my own man and I will play by my own rules going forward.
Steelers 2nd drive of the gameAlex: Holmes with the catch and a first down!!!! Drink up fellas
Attendees: Yeah. Go Buckeyes. OH-IO.
Alex: Santonio makes his 2nd catch of the drive !!! No first down this time. Beers only.
Attendees: Boooo. We want shots.
Alex: Santonio delivers his 3rd catch. He makes ANOTHER first down. But he is stopped at the 7 yard line. Rules are rules. Drink up
Attendees: 3 beers and 2 shots of whiskey in one drive. This could be a long day. Oh well, Go Bucks.
Steelers 3rd drive of the game
Alex: Roethlisberger misses him with a deep pass. Damn that would have been sweet. I am getting thirsty. You know this NFL thing doesn’t look too tough. Hell I am a better lineman than that pussy from Michigan Jake Long and he was the #1 pick and made it to the pro bowl.
Attendees: Fuck Michigan.
Alex: Holmes with another catch. And ANOTHER first down.
Attendees: But Alex, there was a holding penalty on that play….
Alex: Oh well, I have already finished my beer and shot. My bad.
Into the 3rd quarterAlex: I don’t know why I ever stopped drinking in the first place. This is great. OOOOh another Holmes catch and another first down. Bottoms up everyone.
Attendees: Maybe you should slow down big fella. Remember when you told the world you would stay sober, went into a treatment center, and felt embarrassed because you were there.
Alex: I am my own man now. I never lost to Michigan. I love SANANTONIO HOLMES and I am going to be an NFL superstar.… and we have another catch and first down. Drink up.
4th quarter
Alex: Can you believe that great catch by my man Sannnnnantoniooooooo. He made that with one hand. Another first down. Yum Yum Yum I love my beers and my whiskey.
Attendees: But… but Alex. They called holding on that play. The catch doesn’t count. The Cardinals got a safety.
Alex: Too late.
Steelers final driveAlex: OoooKkkay Steeelersh. You have two minutes to get down the fieeeeld. Throw the ballllll to the fast little buckeye wearing numberrrrr 10. You know we had to do this once in Ann Arbor, that little whore. My man Gononzo made a great catch (after he ran out of bounds) and we ended up winning. I hate those arrogant bastards. You know I never lost to them….
Attendees: Come on Cardinals defense. We can’t drink anymore.
Alex: Holmes with the first down. And another. And another. Three more beers and three more whiskey shots. Don't quit on me now. We may be headed into OVERTIME.
Attendees: Make the bad man stop.
Alex: TOUCHDOWN SANANNNNNTONIO !!!!! Tequila time BITCHES !!!!!!!
Attendees: Alex, it looks like someone is towing your car....
 Feb 2nd, 2009Former Ohio State All-Big Ten offensive tackle Alex Boone was arrested late Sunday night in Aliso Viejo, Calif., after a drunken outburst in which police allege the 6-foot-8, 312-pounder was jumping up and down on the hoods of cars, attempted to smash the window of a tow truck and then fled police and had to be tasered twice in order to be subdued. Boone was at his apartment after attending a Super Bowl party when the incident began after a car at his apartment complex was being towed. Police responded to a report of a man jumping on cars, and spokesman Jim Amormino of the Orange County Sheriff's Office said Boone was apprehended while hiding on a patio with a blood alcohol three times California's legal limit of .08, though Boone was not attempting to drive. Amormino said Boone was shouting obscenities and resisting arrest and continued his belligerence during booking and as he was given medical care. A police report was not yet available, but Amormino said Boone was held on resisting arrest and could face additional charges. |
For any long time MZone reader and Yost, if you are out there: Yes, that is in fact a Buckstache.
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22 comments:
Someone has too much time on their hands coupled with unresolved bitterness. Never a pretty combination. The question is...
...is it Andy or Alex?
Cheers!
Another one for the Coach Tressel dirty thirty and counting list.
Well technically... this does not count on the dirty 30+ list. Boone is no longer a Buckeye player.
Sigh...
Someone needs to inform Boone that the USC game is over. Too little; too late.
boone will just have to take solace in going 4-0 against michigan i guess
maybe you could see it in your heart to give him some of the forgiveness and leniency and "boys will be boys" that michael phelps got yesterday...
Sru,
You make a valid point about consistency... but in my book they are both douche bags. I think that is consistent. In their young lives they both now have multiple run-ins with the law. Fame is no excuse for bad behavior... only an enabler to validate it (Something about a Brad Paisley song).
BTW, is it really a buckstache... I'm not sure because with a full beard his mustache is the least hairy part on his face... isn't that just a beard?
Andy,
Good post, we need more of these like in the ole days of MZone.
I can always appreciate it when bucks have run-ins with the law. Anyone got an all-time favorite?
I'll go for the 12 year old charged with 128 some counts including witness intimidation, or the guy who was turned in by his neighbor for fornicating with his lawn furniture.
quick....
where will this guy likely serve his detention????
BOONE FARM!!!!
heh heh
heh heh
oh,and for sure patio furniture fornicator is the winner winner chicken dinner....
wv = "dipochew" a conundrum encountered by many a tUOS fan
maybe you could see it in your heart to give him some of the forgiveness and leniency and "boys will be boys" that michael phelps got yesterday...
Just in case you missed it, I did not make one negative comment about Alex Boone in this post. Rather than the standard "OSU sucks... they are all thugs routine" I decided to focus on the events leading up the story.
Also, I gave Santonio the same "forgiveness" I dealt to Michael Phelps.
I actually feel sorry for Alex Boone. I think that Tressel was a good influence on him. But it is clear that he has a drinking problem and needs to get help. I hope he gets a chance in the NFL even after this latest episode.
still bitter about "the catch" in 2005?
If by "catch" you mean running out of bounds and coming back in -- naaaaa, I got over that years ago....
you mean "was forced out of bounds and reentered the field"
I just checked my tape of the game.
on the play, Gonzalez was running toward the sideline and went to turn up field, but Michigan's #13 makes contact with him, forcing him to step out of bounds. Gonzalez steps back in and continues running down field...while the official on the sideline takes off his hat and throws it. Gonzalez makes "the catch" and the same ref who had just thrown his hat is the one to stop the clock and mark the spot.
the fact that that ref threw his hat shows that he did indeed see Gonzalez step OOB. But the fact that he did not throw his flag shows that he also saw that the contact with #13 was the only reason he did so.
I feel like a Penn State fan by continuing this conversation. I don't have a copy of the game, I can't bring myself to watch it again. You may be right, but I seem to remember that incidental contact was made and Gonzo was not "forced" - rather he just went out. But I am biased.
The fact the ref dropped his hat tells me yes he saw him go out. Why he did not follow up with the flag after the same guy made the catch I will never know. Why even drop the hat in the first place ?
I guess it does not matter. When Carr decided to punt the ball back to buckeyes rather than go for it on 4th down and a minute to go -- in my mind it was not a matter of "if" it was a matter of "how".
4-0 against michigan and still on a crime spree, of what is now his 2nd or 3rd alcohol related arrest.
funny how the scoreboard isn't really going to do him any good now.
maybe he can auction off his little gold pants collection for bail money?
andy - you are correct that you didn't say anything bad about boone - in fact this was one of your funnier posts (reminds me of something I'd come up with :) )
very yost-like too
Thanks Sru. I will take that as a compliment. I was channeling Yost when I typed it.
"maybe he can auction off his little gold pants collection for bail money?"
If you can get all tOSU players from the last four years to auction off their collection of little pee-colored pants, we could save the global economy.
i dunno whets. the only people that would buy them would be tosu fans.
i doubt the trucking and pizza delivery fields generate the kind of cash necessary to save the world economy.
but i'll try to remember to tip better next time, if that will help?
"but i'll try to remember to tip better next time, if that will help?"
SiC,
Just because Northwestern and Notre Dame use that old line on you guys year after year doesn't mean it works on us.
By the way, how do you know the stage is level at a Michigan graduation ceremony?
Ans. The graduates have drool coming out of both sides of their mouth.
whets,
my maid went to tosu.
seriously. she did.
So did your wife. Apparently, a lot of tOSU graduates lower their standards. Did she major in Special Education? That might explain the attraction.
Obviously, your maid enjoys being a maid. And your point?
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