This week's edition of SSF continues the theme of enhancements. Somehow I started thinking about SI's Sport/Not a Sport column and synchronized swimming came to mind. Although the ladies from Arizona look pretty chilled out in the pool, this picture makes me think that synchronized swimming is soooooo not a sport.
Perhaps if it were enhanced in some way, it could qualify????
But what skills are required to succeed???
hmmmm.....treading water. pointing toes. floating.
floating. I've got it!!!! Enhanced flotation devices!!!!! THAT'S what this sport needs! Flotation enhancement!!!! But by what means???
Those of us girls out there remember this method from camp (and Judy Blume)
ok, sorry to say....it don't work!!
Luckily science has come up with implants which can go directly under the skin or under the pectoralis muscle to enhance the flotation capabilities of breasts. The key is to get saline implants, not the silicone ones because silicone has been linked to a number of medical problems. The silicone implant can break, leaking it's contents into the surrounding tissue. They no float no more.
It is also really important to find a well-trained plastic surgeon to perform the enhancement because you want them to be even, well-rounded, and of course supple (for non-pool activities).
Even better, from a competition standpoint the implants are NOT a banned substance! Enhance away ladies!!!! Make them as big as you can!!!!!!!!
Even though you won't be cheating, it is important to be able to size up the competition, so take this test (work alert) to see if you can tell the augmented from the non.
The new devices are sure to increase buoyancy making the synchronizing of the swimming thing a piece of cake!!! And maybe even your new favorite sport?????