Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I went to bed on Sunday night frustrated with the sudden and soul-crushing end of the Michigan hockey season. As a Michigan sports fan, you learn to deal with things like this -- I just woke up and went on with my day looking to find something else to focus on. It did not work. I needed to understand how and why it came to this. At the risk of sounding too much like a Penn State football fan, I needed to know more about this John Gravallese character. A simple google search turned up something from US College Hockey Online about the source of my pain. This interesting article included this terribly ironic quote:
“I just get my assignment, pack my bags and show up.... I try to blend in and let the game call itself.”
Really? You have no idea how much I wish that was true. Instead of letting this ridiculous anger go too far, I decided to get creative and make a list of five things I like less than the "senior man in Hockey East"
1) Raw onions: Sorry Mom, I can't stand them. There is no quicker way to ruin a sandwich or burger than laying a tastless foul smelling mistake on it. I generally like vegetables, but adding raw onions to a mixed salad is a crime. Want to destroy a tuna salad? add chopped onions. Looking to ensure there is left over pizza? add raw onions. The strange thing is I have no problem with cooked/sautéed onions and eat them when offered. But the raw crunch of an onion is unbearable for me.
2) Mr Met: As a lifelong Phillies phan, I am genetically predisposed to loath anything connected the National League franchise in New York . I was an undergrad at Michigan in 1986. It was bad. As a rule, I accept sports mascots as part of the entertainment package of live sporting events. When you really look at him, Mr Met is just plain creepy. Why is he always smiling? Clearly he has not watched his team play for the last couple of years.
3) Snakes: I live in Texas. It is hot here. Last summer I pulled into my garage and stepped out of my car. Something moved. It was a small harmless garter snake slithering about a foot from my safely covered toes. I yelped loudly. I quickly jumped away. Once I realized how foolish I looked, I grabbed a tool looking to kill my nemasis. Much to his benefit, he was gone. I have not gotten out of my car in the garage without looking down since.
4) Mark Dantonio: Worshiped by FDFP writers and long suffering Sparty football fans for his bravado -- I see Mark Dantonio as nothing more than a boorish moron. Time and time again he has delivered. Just a few: His memorable moment of silence comment after the Michigan loss to Appy State. Whining about Michigan players celebrating a win. Responding to Mike Hart by making fun of his size. Openly cheering for Ohio State when his team needed a Buckeye loss to have a chance at the Rose Bowl. Saying he would be embarrassed by only 3 wins minutes after getting crushed at Penn State. Allowing Glen Winston to join practice hours after being released from jail.
5) The wave: I refuse. It was fun the first couple of instances I saw it happen at Michigan Stadium. But that was in the 80's. Enough already. Pay attention to what is going on in the game. Stay focused on being loud and creating a home field advantage. Let it die.
Phew, I feel better.