Brian Hartline, Future NFL star

Later this month, some NFL team is going to draft former Buckeye WR Brian "Howdy" Hartline. Several NFL draft experts even go as far as predicting he will go in the first day.

Think Wes Welker with puppet strings.

Chances are (oh god, please let it be the Browns) someone is going to give this former popular TV marionette a chance to make money catching passes that Terrell Pryor could not deliver to him in Columbus. Hopefully which ever team takes him will have a training class on what not to do when a digital camera is pointed at you.

>>>>> This image first surfaced yesterday by the always entertaining Busted Coverage. Now there are plenty of other blogs commenting on his NFL training methods.

However, here at the Spawn of MZone we just don't take things for face value. We like to dig deeper into the story to really understand what is going on with this image.

As I was looking around for more information on this - I ran into this photo from the 2008 Touchdown Club of Columbus banquet dinner. Yes, in case you are keeping score: same girl, same dress, same suit/shirt/tie combo. The future Mrs Hartline (Lindsay) must have decided to change her hair in the car driving over to the banquet hall and Hartline decided to put one of his Big Ten Championship rings onto his pinky.

If you have ever attended any of these type of "end of season" events you can can't blame the guy for wanting to have a little fun with his fiance before sitting on uncomfortable metal folding chairs, eating rubber chicken, and drinking lipton green tea from a plastic bottle.

Word.

Buckeye Barstool Update.

I couldn't resist posting this from The Rachel Maddow Show

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Andy edit: So I plugged in "Skeeter Watson's bar stool" into google to see if I could find out how much he is selling them for. No luck. But I did get the local Newark paper's story about the media frenzy surrounding the barstool. The reader comments bring the entire saga together for me in a way that I did not feel was possible. God Bless America.

Buckeye Barstool

And who says that Buckeyes are dumb ? Could a dumb person do this ??

An Ohio man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool. On March 4th, Police responded to a report of a crash in Newark (30 miles east of Columbus). They found a man with injuries who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. He was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Apparently the bar stool can go up to 38 mph.

Anticipating his upcoming move to a new city following the NFL draft next month, former Buckeye offensive lineman Alex Boone immediately ordered an extra large version of the stool.

HT: EDSBS

Alex Boone Super Bowl Party

Alex: I want to welcome everyone to my Super Bowl party. I know that I should be focused on working out and getting ready for the NFL Combine, but after a long and disappointing season -- blowing off a little steam is just what the doctor ordered.
Attendees: It is great to be here Alex. We are looking forward to watching you in the Super Bowl in the future.
Alex: Me too. To add a little life to this party I thought it would be fun to introduce a drinking game to celebrate the fact that one of my former Buckeye teammates, Santonio Holmes is playing for the Steelers. Here are the rules: For each catch Santonio makes you need to drink a beer. For each first down he gets you need to drink a shot of whiskey. If he scores a touchdown you need to slam six shots of tequila.
Attendees: OK-- this sounds like a lot of fun. Are you sure you should be doing this ? I know that you had promised to clean up your act after your DUI and the problems you had in Ohio.
Alex: Come on guys, I am a 300 pound All-Big Ten offensive lineman. This is California, not boring old Ohio. I can handle a couple of drinks at a Super Bowl Party. Plus that bitchy Tressel isn’t here to ruin my fun any more. I am my own man and I will play by my own rules going forward.

Steelers 2nd drive of the game
Alex: Holmes with the catch and a first down!!!! Drink up fellas
Attendees: Yeah. Go Buckeyes. OH-IO.
Alex: Santonio makes his 2nd catch of the drive !!! No first down this time. Beers only.
Attendees: Boooo. We want shots.
Alex: Santonio delivers his 3rd catch. He makes ANOTHER first down. But he is stopped at the 7 yard line. Rules are rules. Drink up
Attendees: 3 beers and 2 shots of whiskey in one drive. This could be a long day. Oh well, Go Bucks.

Steelers 3rd drive of the game
Alex: Roethlisberger misses him with a deep pass. Damn that would have been sweet. I am getting thirsty. You know this NFL thing doesn’t look too tough. Hell I am a better lineman than that pussy from Michigan Jake Long and he was the #1 pick and made it to the pro bowl.
Attendees: Fuck Michigan.
Alex: Holmes with another catch. And ANOTHER first down.
Attendees: But Alex, there was a holding penalty on that play….
Alex: Oh well, I have already finished my beer and shot. My bad.

Into the 3rd quarter
Alex: I don’t know why I ever stopped drinking in the first place. This is great. OOOOh another Holmes catch and another first down. Bottoms up everyone.
Attendees: Maybe you should slow down big fella. Remember when you told the world you would stay sober, went into a treatment center, and felt embarrassed because you were there.
Alex: I am my own man now. I never lost to Michigan. I love SANANTONIO HOLMES and I am going to be an NFL superstar.… and we have another catch and first down. Drink up.

4th quarter
Alex: Can you believe that great catch by my man Sannnnnantoniooooooo. He made that with one hand. Another first down. Yum Yum Yum I love my beers and my whiskey.
Attendees: But… but Alex. They called holding on that play. The catch doesn’t count. The Cardinals got a safety.
Alex: Too late.

Steelers final drive
Alex: OoooKkkay Steeelersh. You have two minutes to get down the fieeeeld. Throw the ballllll to the fast little buckeye wearing numberrrrr 10. You know we had to do this once in Ann Arbor, that little whore. My man Gononzo made a great catch (after he ran out of bounds) and we ended up winning. I hate those arrogant bastards. You know I never lost to them….
Attendees: Come on Cardinals defense. We can’t drink anymore.
Alex: Holmes with the first down. And another. And another. Three more beers and three more whiskey shots. Don't quit on me now. We may be headed into OVERTIME.
Attendees: Make the bad man stop.
Alex: TOUCHDOWN SANANNNNNTONIO !!!!! Tequila time BITCHES !!!!!!!
Attendees: Alex, it looks like someone is towing your car....

Feb 2nd, 2009 Former Ohio State All-Big Ten offensive tackle Alex Boone was arrested late Sunday night in Aliso Viejo, Calif., after a drunken outburst in which police allege the 6-foot-8, 312-pounder was jumping up and down on the hoods of cars, attempted to smash the window of a tow truck and then fled police and had to be tasered twice in order to be subdued. Boone was at his apartment after attending a Super Bowl party when the incident began after a car at his apartment complex was being towed. Police responded to a report of a man jumping on cars, and spokesman Jim Amormino of the Orange County Sheriff's Office said Boone was apprehended while hiding on a patio with a blood alcohol three times California's legal limit of .08, though Boone was not attempting to drive. Amormino said Boone was shouting obscenities and resisting arrest and continued his belligerence during booking and as he was given medical care. A police report was not yet available, but Amormino said Boone was held on resisting arrest and could face additional charges.

For any long time MZone reader and Yost, if you are out there: Yes, that is in fact a Buckstache.

Snow Day

The big snow storm this week required our friends down in Columbus to cancel classes on Wednesday. Of course we all know it was safe enough for everyone to drive to Value City Arena for the free admission and french fries to watch their Bucks kick our cinder-block shooting asses in basketball.

I know, I know..... before you ask the question : You mean they hold classes down there ? Yes, they have actual classes. I wanted to give you view into how these two enterprising buckeye co-eds re-acted to the news of school being out.

In case you needed another reminder of how sad and pathetic your post-graduation life is:

Your Wednesday: Shoveling your driveway. Driving in the blinding snow to get to work. Work. Driving home praying you don't slide on the black ice driving over an overpass and end up buried in a snowbank 15 feet high only to be discovered in Mid-April when the snow melts. Shoveling your driveway three more times.

Their Wednesday: Getting a text that school is canceled. Sleeping in. Dancing and drinking in the dorm room until the beers run out. Eating something from the microwave. Taking a power nap. Having a snow ball fight. Wandering over to the free basketball game. Cheering the Bucks crush Michigan AGAIN. Drinking a couple of more beers. Sleep.

They're Baaaaaack.......

Slip-n-Slide drinking co-eds in all degrees of nakedness in the MudBowl.

That is all

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

PARRRRRRTTTTYYYYYY!!!
100 University presidents have called for a lowering of the legal drinking age to 18 claiming that attempts to increase the drinking age have led to dangerous and clandestine drinking behaviors.
They call themselves the Amethyst Initiative as the word Amethyst is derived from the Ancient Greek words meaning “not” (a-) and “intoxicated” (methustos). According to mythology, Amethyst was a young girl who incurred the wrath of the g-d Dionysus after he became intoxicated with red wine. Amethyst cried to Goddess Diana for help. Diana immediately turned the girl into a white stone. Upon discovering what had happened Dionysus wept, and, as his tears fell into his goblet, the wine spilled over the white rock, turning it purple.

The purple gemstone amethyst was widely believed to be an antidote to the negative effects of intoxication. In Ancient Greece, drinking vessels and jewelry were often made of amethyst and used during feasts and celebrations to ward off drunkenness and to promote moderation.

The Amethyst Initiative supports informed and unimpeded debate on the 21 year-old drinking age, calling upon elected officials to weigh all the consequences of current alcohol policies and to invite new ideas on how best to prepare young adults to make responsible decisions about alcohol use.


Included in this progressive group??? BUT OF COURSE, tUOS' President E. Gordon Gee---who must be Alfred E. Neuman's dad.

In Vino Veritas

Bo Merlot

The newest edition to the Michigan themed wine cellar will be available for sale on August 30, 2008. Gameday!

Studer Imports, founded by former sociology professor Marlena Studer, is bringing this limited edition vintage just in time for tailgating. Wednesday's profile in the Ann Arbor Schmooze reports that Professor Studer chose a California wine over a Michigan one, since that is the home of the Rose Bowl. The price for Bo Merlot, will be $19.69 (like the year) and 2 dollars of every sale will be donated to the University of Michigan Cardiovascular Center. According to Studer the Bo Merlot offers an "instense fruit forwardness with a luscious berry concentration....a rich presentation on the palate with a lovely, lingering finish."

Now before all of you Buckeyes start up with cries of "Michigan elitism"....never fear, for your hairless nuts have opened a winery as well: the Buckeye Winery, home of the 25 cent taste test and well, the opportunity to bottle and label yer own. From their website: "After you've tried samples of our high quality wines and found one of your favorites, the process begins in our winery. All our wines come from juices. Once you've selected your wine, yeast and other quality ingredients are added to the proper juice. We then continue to watch and rack your wine throughout the fermentation process. You are welcome to be present for each step or have us take care of each step for you. Please check out our gallery page to see how much fun it can be to make your own wine at Buckeye Winery!
Once your wine is finished (after 4-8 weeks depending on the type of wine), you return to bottle, cork and label your wine. You may also customize your label for special events such as weddings, anniversaries, retirements, business promotions or gifts. Or just keep your wine for yourself."

Wow. Classy.

Twentyfour by Charles Woodson

From the website:


APPELLATION: Stags Leap District, Napa Valley
PROCESS: hand picked, hand sorted, 21 day extended maceration
AGING: 18 months in French oak
ALCOHOL: 14.5%
HARVESTED: October 12, 2005
PRODUCTION: 202 cases
RELEASE DATE: November 2008
TASTING NOTES: Intense wild berry aromas, dark ruby in color. Seductive entry, bright fruit with dense middle, supple tannin increasing in intensity for long, persistent finish. Broad, velvety texture, dark fruit, cassis, dry crushed stone flavors with long return. French oak integrated but not dominant, lifting the wine. Harmonious with assertive, fine grained tannins.

And, I can attest to it's wonders, after participating in a wine tasting/fundraising event this past weekend at The Chop House in Ann Arbor. Robert Ruiz, the cellar master for Twentyfour, and Gustavo Gonzales, the wine maker for Twentyfour (both from Robert Mondavi Winery) were on hand to pour and discuss the 2005 Single Vineyard Cabernet from the Stags Leap District, barrel samples of the unreleased 2006 Cabernet, and some of the last of Charles’s personal favorite - his 2001 Merlot. The Chop House will be the exclusive restaurant in Michigan to offer the amazing wines of Twenty Four which is already sold out until the 2007 vintage.

The event benefitted the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, and Charles presented the hospital with a check for $10,000+ that night. Not only that but $10 from EVERY bottle sold EVER will go to benefit the hospital. Really. Every bottle. Forever.

Along with superstars from the hospital, a few of Charles' former teammates and a particular coach were in attendance. Charles Woodson was a perfect host, graciously talking with almost all of the 100 in attendance individually, signing memorabilia and taking pictures with anyone who wanted to pose with him. The clear affection between former Coach and star-player was evident as well. Oh---and The Chop House makes some amazing Kobe beef "sliders" that went perfectly with the wine!

The Detroit Free Press covered the event, and pointed out that the NFL is none to happy with Charles Woodson "touting" alcohol. They actually insisted that pictures of Charles in his NFL uniform be removed from the winery's website. Why you ask???
Well, apparently now that Roger Goodell is at the helm, the league's alcohol policy states that any interviews supporting alcohol would be seen as an endorsement and "may have a detrimental effect on the great number of young fans who follow our game."
Yeah---but those billion dollar Anheiser-Busch commercial spots during TV timeouts? No harm there, right Roger???
And, there's no way for the NFL to get a piece of Twentyfour's action so it must be banned!

Duplicatous douchery from the NFL! Imagine.....


Bottom line?? Great wine from a great Michigan champion that will benefit the new C. S. Mott's Children and Women's Hospital and a really great event held right here in Titletown!