I once had a statistics professor tell me "The lottery is simply a tax on the mathematically illiterate..."Well now, if you live in Ohio, you can be both mathematically illiterate and incomprehensibly lazy thanks to Bryan Melendeze and his internet brain child : OHIO LOTTO BUTLER. For a monthly fee ranging from $8 to $50, they promise to do all the "dirty work" involved in ticket-buying, and to fork over the tickets if you win. You never have to leave your sofa.
I went to this site just to see if it was real -- and it did not disappoint. The page looks like it was developed by a 3rd grader, along with the red lettered scrolling "we are your loyal man servant" disclaimer.
But the most entertaining part are the quotes from customers, like this gem from Clevelands Bob Padgett: "I used to forget to play, or get home from work and have to drag my butt back to the store to buy a ticket... OhioLottoButler.com is perfect for me."
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34 comments:
"You never have to leave your sofa."
??? Even if it's ash and cinders like most tUOS couches?
the lottery is a tax on "the poor and stupid"...as far as sofas go, in Ohio they are rain soaked and mildew infested, since they are used as patio furniture during the summer
To quote Forrest--
"Stupid is as stupid does"
well, this is where i have to admit that i really am from Ohio and my education can only go so far to take me away from this-
my family (extended, too) loves this stuff. my cousins/aunts/uncles who still live in places like Green Camp, Bluffton, and Athalia, just eat that sort of thing up. fortunately, most of them are so computer adverse they won't stumble upon this.
i have never been to a family gathering on a saturday that when the "Lotto Show" (and in ohio, the saturday drawing is a half an hour game show) came on that the party didn't stop and everyone huddled around the TV.
i had one aunt that actually subscribed to a service that tracked the numbers drawn each week and sent you a running "trend line" of which numbers were "hot" and which were "due". when i mentioned that probability events were random and that the likelihood of a coin coming up "heads", even after 50 straight tosses resulting in a "heads" result, was still 50/50 on the next toss? i was quickly ushered out of the room so they could dicuss how college had screwed up my understanding of math.
Damnit I too live in OH and for a very BRIEF period I had a couch on my porch. Only because we were getting rid of it and I dragged it out there but needed help dragging it to the curb and non was available. Plus it was raining and I knew someone would want to take it so I didn't want to curb it until it was dry. As it turned out it did disappear from the curb and then we noticed that it was in our neighbor's garage. I was like WOW that's sad. And that ladies and gentleman is what it's like to live in OH.
I am glad to have left that god forsaken state. 3.5 years of my life I will never get back!
Posted my first diary post at Mgoblog.
http://mgoblog.com/diaries/who-cares-we-chant-it-now-mean-it
Note that the tickets are not actually delivered to you; rather, they send you a scan of an easily photoshoped image. I can't wait until the numbers the Lotto Butler was told to play are selected and it becomes apparent that the Butler is just pocketing the money rather than buying tickets. It will combine both great Ohio pastimes: stupidity and criminal activity.
Bigs, I copy and pasted your link, however I am not authorized to view it. (I am signed in at Mgoblog)
McGuffie is leaving? My brother called me last night to find out if that rumor was true and I said, not a chance!!!! And now it is on MgoBlog!!!! Attrition for this group would be expected, but this feels like a kick in the gut for the loyal fans who have remained true blue.......meh. (Meh is now a word in the dictionary!)
the problem w/ making omelets is you end up w/ a lot of broken eggs (apologies to the duc de orleans).
the problem w/ recruiting a lot of fast kids from texas, california, and florida is they get homesick- especially that first fall when the weather turns crappy.
justin fargas immediately came to mind when i read mcguffie was leaving. he played a couple of years for lloyd, hurt his knee, and then finished out @ usc (he was from l.a., the son of the actor who played "huggie bear" on starsky & hutch). never got used to the snow, mud, and gloom.
on the other hand, when a kid is really unhappy? you're a lot better off w/ them heading out rather than hanging around being angry (ala ray small).
yeah, it's the weather
not the coaching
or the half empty stands
or the outlook for the next few years
baby it's cold outside
now your coach is telling michigan fans to 'get a life'
seriously i couldn't have scripted this shit better myself
There are conflicting rumors on McGuffie - nothing is official. I would hate to see him go, but if there is one position we can afford to lose a body, it is at RB.
He just had a death in the family, so this may be connected.
I remember Justin Fargas well. The one part you left out, he got hurt twice and when he did come back, the RB depth chart was full. Carr tried to convert him to a defensive back and he bolted for USC. This was when USC was pretty average. He has put together a decent NFL career.
Yes Sru, you could not have scripted this any better.
I'd get off the "half empty stands" drum beat. While losing may have become a common thing, a half empty stadium is not. We did sell 107k tickets. And it was 34 degrees with rain/snow/sleet.
Does anyone care when they beat Northwestern ? I am looking forward to the day when beating up Michigan isn't so much fun.
Andy,
Sru has his own disappointment to deal w/ (those airline tickets to miami cost a fortune and they're not returnable) and poking at our poor season undoubtedly distracts him from his own shattered illusions.
i do remember that he was starved for playing time but his travel back to USC (at a time USC wasn't in tip top shape yet) was widely attributable to "going home".
also, McGuffie is in a crowded backfield, too. we have 5 or 6 under classmen at that position and they've gotten playing time. that isn't likely to change anytime soon.
BAH,
can't find your post on mgoblog...
BTW- has anyone else noted what a humorless, angry husk of of his former self Sru has become? I can't remember the last time he said something "funny".
Something like "mcguffie left because he played in front of crowds in high school" would have at least been an effort!
I realize that tosu's abject humiliation by usc on the heels of the 2nd consecutive bcs disaster must be tough. And having the media laugh at the suggestion of you playing in any bcs game must be very trying. Especially after so much pre season hype & so much rebuilding for next season.
But you gotta try!
We're 3-8 & having a better time than you are.
Laugh a little before you stroke.
Actually, SiC, I'm having a great time. I don't have that anxiousness of the previous few seasons.
You remember that feeling: worrying every week that some mediocre team is going to salvage its season by beating you while derailing your BCS hopes?
Ahhh, this season has been much easier on my nerves. The early loss to SC saved my health.
Speaking of McGuffie, EDSBS has a thread on Michigan football. Check it out. Lots of humor "couched" in irony.
Oh, and SiC, all the overhyped education in the world cannot change a single strand of DNA. The little bucknut hasn't really fallen that far from the tree.
haven't lost my sense of humor at all - just think it's hilarious that you in particular try to smack talk in the middle of the worst season in the history of your program - and guess what? it's ONLY you - everyone else here is smart enough to take it for what it is without trying to point out in pathetic fashion that our season and our future is bleak because we didn't win the championship this year. did we do as well as we thought we could - hell no - but at least the loss to USC got the ball rolling on the Pryor train and we'll be better of for it over the next two years. I've never been a boeckman fan so, hey, i'll take a 2 loss season to get Terrelle some quality PT. Just like, as a Brown's fan, I'll take a 4 win season to get Quinn and Cowher in.
Again take a look at the posts on this board - you're the only one crowing at 3-9.
You're like a Michigan State fan crowing to a Michigan fan - it's just stupid.
so, I guess what you're saying is that it's "stupid"? Or "just stupid"?
So, because we're 3-8, you think I shouldn't be able to see your failures (like the rest of the country)? Or that I just shouldn't say anything about it?
Face it- this was supposed to be "the year" & you're stuck arguing about "next year"!
Who's stupid?
Get a hobby. Try playing the lotto, maybe? I hear you can do it w/out leaving your couch!
Whets,
I was actually raised by red neck Marshall & east coast woody hayes hating irish ND fans.
My psychosis is all my own.
SiC,
Ah, yes. My father used to regale me with stories about the recruiting battles involving Michigan, tOSU and Notre Shame. Seems it was a bit sticky trying to play the loyalty to home state card when the Catholic card was wild. If you played your hand too aggressively and dissed ND it was the same as dissing the Lord.
I read somewhere that Woody spoke of treading lightly so as not to turn heavily catholic Ohio against the program.
Glad to see you've taken responsibility for your psychoses. That's the first step.
this 'discussion' has reminded me why this week is so special and intense...
no matter the records
no matter the stakes
we all stand in line
to HATE OHIO STATE
wootwoot
poet and
didn't know it
T-9,
Focus: Day job.
Don't listen to him- he's just jealous of your gift!
I watched the HBO DVD about "The Rivalry" today between Michigan and The University of Ohio State...during the closing credits they had alums give their jabs to the other school...
the best one was "a student flunked out of Michigan and then enrolled at Ohio State, both schools academic records improved from this ONE student"
enough said...
WTF it appears that my "diary" entry was apparently deleted from MGoblog? What the hell is that all about? I am officially done with that blog. I will go on and read it's information but I will never ever again try n post a reply, comment, diary etc. It is not an everyman's blog and is hounded by censorship.
Bob I have been having sever email difficulties since the switch to ATT. Not the biggest fan and will have a lengthy phone conversation with them again tomorrow. I tried to email you a bunch of pictures but I got a lot of theo MAELER_DEAMONS (Sp?) back saying they were not delivered. I have no idea why this is. Let me know if you got any and if so how many.
(seriously i couldn't have scripted this shit better myself)
Sru, man,
We know, we know. There's no creativity or even the semblance of an intelligent, organzied thought in that semi-functional "brain" of yours. That's what leads you to these dumb decisions in your life like becoming a fan of the poster university for natural selection. To see some of the more amusing moments of your compatriots when they are let out of their playpens I suggest you go to youtube and search "darwin awards".
God Bless your troubled soul bro
sigh
apparently SIC has had enough...
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=270304736881
Haha! That was hilarious! What a douche. Though a nice way to con your way into a new pair of nikes, it's like selling true love for those shoes that are bound to wear and fall apart. Can you really sell your soul for 80 some odd bucks. Like I said, "Douche."
While very funny, you must still note the quips regarding OSU. Though a certified retard the guy is still keen to your dumb brethren Sru.
BAH - You said that you have an Apple, and you just switched to AT&T, correct? I am a MAC girl myself and I recently switched to AT&T. I can tell you that safari doesn't run well with AT&T, so try to use firefox. Also the mail program became "goofed" up when I started AT&T. I can receive email, but not send it from the mail program. So, it isn't just your imagination, AT&T is not Apple friendly! However I LOVE the Uverse TV and the fact that I was able to dump Comcast!
IF your blog at mgoblog was super negative about the team, I do believe that Brian said he would delete any such postings AND the person would be at risk to be removed from ever posting again. I don't comment over there anymore, they do have a nice group of people who are friends, but it is very difficult to break in to that crowd, if at all!
Rarely does anyone talk to me here anymore, so I think I may have pissed off some people, or annoyed some, but at least I can post my thoughts and see them show up, unlike at Mgoblog!
see Sru, THAT was funny.
i didn't buy any, though.
Yes Catie the U-verse TV is fantastic and relatively I have had no problems with the internet using Safari either. The only problem I have had is sending out emails. Really pisses me off. I haven't tried using their email client on their webpage to see if the problem is the compatibility with MAc Mail but I may do that today. Will also be calling them and bitching about it.
As for my Mgoblog post it wasn't negative about the team at all. If it was negative in anything it was negative towards the fans who think that Mcguffie or anyone else leaving is a "huge blow" to the program. I'm not a fan of any one player for MI I am a fan of the team (The Team The Team) and if someone doesn't want to play there then I wish them well and watch out for the door behind you.
BAH, I actually have not even tried the AT&T email that they gave me, I use a yahoo account, as that does not change from service to service. I also have my umich account. That is all I really need, so I just stay away from other servers that I need to waste time learning and getting frustrated over! My issue with email with the switch to AT&T is with the email server that came with my MAC. I have my umich email in that. It does sound like there are issues with that for you as well. I had to give up and go online to email from my umich account. It does appear to be an AT&T thing, as when I take my macbook to school, I can send an email from my mac mail server.
It sounds as if your post on Mgoblog was a good one, I am sorry it was pulled!
Hammmm,
I have gotten four or five emails with pictures attached but I think they were from before you switched to ATT. I have not gotten anything since. Hope you get this fixed soon.
I also saw your diary entry on MGoBlog soon after you told everyone you had posted it. I saw it and then it was gone.
I had some friends who went to Columbus a few years ago and rented a car in Toledo with ohio license plates so that they would not have their vehicles destroyed. They also did not wear any Michigan clothing. If I have to do that to go to a game I would rather stay home and watch on TV. When tUOS plays in Ann Arbor I always invite the tUOS fans to join our tailgate, but these are usually older, more mature fans that appreciate it.
Several things.
Catie I had a lengthy conversation with ATT today. Apparently they use their own port settings and neglect to tell anyone about it. It seems that this is/was the problem for me. Let's see how that goes.
Bob I do keep getting back all the emails I send to you with this new name. Not sure why this is happening and I will send an email to either T9 or Barry to forward it over to you so you have my new email. Maybe your server is blocking my new name but I can't see why as it's much more tame than Bigasshammm. Anyway am still trying to work everything through but am all in all happy. I have 5 BTN channels now and get the NFL network and a whole bunch of the Fox sports networks. It's confusing at most.
As for Mgoblog it seems that if you are in any way against how Brian feels about things then you are stricken from posting and "Banned." Seems like a douche thing to do when this is the internet and it's supposed to be free speech.
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